In a Letter to a Soldier

IN A LETTER TO A SOLDIER

We live in the woods.  When it snows, it looks so lovely.  We do have a lot of wildlife troubles, though.  A few years ago we had a hard long snow cover, and the deer learned to eat from the plantings around our house.  So now it’s a habit.  It makes me disgusted to see that other neighbors have no troubles, but us!—they eat all the blossoms off everything, and it looks quite bad.  No lilacs, no rhododendrons, no azaleas, no roses.  Each summer the plants recover pretty well, just in time to be eaten again.

The first year it happened, I was so angry and wanted to do something about it.  You can buy expensive sprays to put on the plants, but even then, the deer will grow used to it, so you need to keep switching sprays.  Anyway, I thought maybe coyote urine would be a good deterrent.   But the store didn’t have any.  So I bought fox urine instead (not thinking to read the label).

On Christmas eve, I must have hollered at the 10 deer a hundred times.  Every time I looked out the window, there they were.  I hadn’t got around to spraying the fox urine yet, and just when I was ready for bed (in my shorty pajamas), I really got fed up.  I put on my boots (no coat), grabbed the fox urine, and ran outside.  It was about midnight, and everyone else was in bed.

I took out the bottle of urine, and carefully sprayed the first bush.  But just as I sprayed, the wind blew it right in my face!!!!!!!!!!  And no matter how careful I was, it kept blowing all over me.  I ran inside, and washed and washed my face, but to no avail.  The musky odor would not come off.

Finally, I read the bottle.  “Fox urine,” the bottle read, “is great for attracting deer.  Deer often follow fox trails for miles, and will feel safe with the fox odor.”        

ACCCKKKKK!!

I had to live with that smell for a few days.  Even my husband, whose nose is not the best, privately thought something just wasn’t quite right with me. 

Needless to say, we didn’t seem to have deer troubles for the next few months.  I don’t know if it’s because fox urine simply doesn’t TASTE good, or because there wasn’t really any plant left to eat anyway!