SOME THINGS LAST FOREVER

This is the Tooth Fairy glass.

When I was a kid, I asked my dad how tall the Tooth Fairy is and he pointed to his glass of milk and said "As tall as this glass."  The glass came free from the gas station with jelly inside, over 50 years ago.

Dad still drank milk from it tonight.

SMALL REWARDS FOR BIG THINGS

In going through my memory box today, I found something so small that is worth keeping.  These are (almost all) my "year" pins from 4-H.

Today, it seems that a prize like this would be of little consequence for the modern child.  But these were hard earned and something to be proud of, especially the older you got.  Each year pin represented a year's worth of club meetings, meetings with the teacher of your specialty, record-keeping, giving a demonstration speech, and working on small projects and large.  It also meant you took the final project to the local 4-H fair.

I began 4-H in the state of Indiana (Marshall County) where the clubs played a big role.  I sewed a scarf and an apron in the first year and worked up to a dress with a collar in the fourth.

One of my embroidery projects won the privilege of going to the state fair--I saw it there, because all the kids got free tickets and a school bus ride to the fair in Indianapolis each year.

In the end, I was most devoted to entering a barrow pig every year, which brought in a little money.  I had to keep track of feed expenses, cost analysis, and profit.  I gave them exercise every day by making them walk down the lane and back (which they did not like, let me tell you).  For fair week, they had a nice hair trim (oh, the screaming!), a good bath, and a thorough oil and talcum powder shine for judging day.  I became so attached to them.

These memories are filled with extreme detail, some of which are embarrassing or disappointing, but many with a lot of good thoughts.  Mom made me re-do the white collar on that dress five times before she decided it was good enough.  And even though we had pre-washed the beautiful maroon fabric of the dress body, the first time we washed the dress after wearing, the maroon bled onto that white collar and I never wore the dress again.

One of my favorite memories was the last year I took a pig (named Burt).  The judging took place in heats (with pigs of comparable weights), and then the first place animal of each heat competed for the Grand Champion.  But the judge spent a very long time making his decision in our heat--he couldn't decide between Burt and another.  In the end, he chose the other pig, and later we learned why the judge felt the decision was so important:  this pig became the Grand Champion.  Because our heat consisted of heavier pigs, he felt the Reserve Champion should be lighter, so Burt remained with a second place ribbon in his heat.

BUT WE KNOW--and it was enough.

WHEN YOU TURN 60 YEARS OLD

"Teens grow out of pimples," they said. "Don't worry," they said. Today I celebrate with one right on the end of my nose.

A BEE IN BURT'S

Once I found a bee in my Burt's Bees hair conditioner.

(It was not the company's fault)

(But I think it's pretty cool)

It happened like this:  At one point in time, we had trouble with an occasional bee somehow getting into the bathroom through the air vent.  This one must have been attracted to the oh-so-good smell of the hair conditioner and the conditioner's lid had been left off and

He fell in.

And died.

Poor thing.

And I found him at some point while taking care of my hair.  Now, whenever I use the product, I get an extra laugh for the day.

LOVE MY LIBRARY

I'm working at a new job now--or I should say, SECOND job.

My first love.

My love of reading began when I was a child, in our very small town library.  I won top prize for the Most Books Read every summer for a while.  My mom and I always had to have something to read.

My love of libraries began in the 7th grade, when I became a volunteer in the school library.  The librarian encouraged me in that art, having me read to the kindergarten children (that's how I contracted the chickenpox--me and the little ones) and even taking me to a librarian's conference.

I got my master's degree and was a school and public librarian before the boys were born.

Now I'm back, and glad to be so!  It's interesting how someone who loves libraries just can't stay away.  "Now you know the part-time job we're hiring you for doesn't make full use of your librarian degree, right?" the director asked me during the interview.  Our library actually has several people with a degree who volunteer or are part-time, just checking out books or shelving them.

And HECK YEAH, WE LOVE IT!

HEM IT ALL IN

I am starting to wonder if sewing is becoming a lost art.  And I don't mean sewing A DRESS; I'm talking about the simple work of hemming and mending.

I have the unfortunate circumstance of not only being short of stature, but short of waist and narrow of shoulders too.  It truly is not possible for me to buy slacks without plans to shorten them.  I take the previous statement as an OF COURSE comment, but lately I've met sales clerks who seem not to have heard of hand-sewing store-bought clothes.  One lady in a "high end" store was bereft that she couldn't find slacks that were my right height and she showed surprise, horror (and a bit of awed interest) that I was purchasing some with the intention of hemming them when I got home.

This summer a clerk didn't want me to try on a blouse.  "That's going to be far too long," she said.  I chuckled and said something along the lines of "Oh, that's life...that's the way it is...no getting around it!"

Later she saw me and asked how THAT all went for me.  There was a bit of snidefulness in her tone as if to say "I was right, wasn't I?"

I told her the sleeves were too tight.

Anyhow, I suppose it never entered her mind that hemming is an art some people HAVE to do.

Otherwise, it could go one of three ways:

1.  Wear the one piece of clothing that fits over and over again as the years go by.

My dad, 1989

2.  Wear them as is.

3.  Go naked (sorry, no photos).

I hemmed a new pair of capris today.

CAN'T MAKE PANCAKES IN THE FALL

I don't flip over too well.  

Time changes don't agree with me anymore; I'm quite happy to stay up even later in the night, but still I wake up early in the morning--TOO early.  That adds up to quite a lack of sleep.

DANCE LIKE NOBODY'S WATCHING

Recently a Facebook friend posted this encouragement:

Yes, I had done that very thing just hours earlier!

It was dark, getting colder,  and raining very hard.  Not a kind night to be away from home, but I was to meet church friends for coffee and chat, and I wouldn't want to miss that.  So I drove to the outlet stores and hoped for a parking place near the doors.

Busy place that it is, there were no spaces very close.  But wait!  What did I just drive past?  A series of parking signs set up just for the month of October*.

Car in reverse---back up, back up, back up.  AND PARK.  

With triumph!

It was raining, dark, and no one saw me do a victory dance outside my car.  But I did, and I wish it had been daylight so that people could see.


*Breast Cancer Awareness Month

HOSPITAL STAY

A month ago I was in the hospital--AGAIN!  This time was a very unusual occurrence, though.  My son and I both contracted an unknown virus that was very bad.  We suffered through the month of October and when it came around for a second time with myself, I had to spend a week in the hospital.

The doctors came up with a list of what it WASN'T, but not a name for what it was.  The virus is done, but it may take me months to gain my strength back.

This time around, I used Facebook to post updates on my progress.  I've never been exactly comfortable with this idea, but it turned out to be very helpful for my own spirit because people quickly responded with comments.  I tried to be upbeat with my updates in order to forget the very distressing things that were actually happening to me!  Here are some of the things I said:

October 27
In hospital at Magee. Looking to find a source for the continuing fever I've had off and on over the past month.  I am completely prostrate. Pray for an easy fix. Ben and I call it Bora Bora disease.

October 28
They`'re testing for everything, which has required ridiculous amounts of blood; since I only have one usable arm, they now have to call an expert each time. I miss the chemo port!

October 28
The people from the Center of Infectious Disease Control came today (in their orange spacesuits). I seriously thought about sticking a baby sock on my back and just get it over and done with all at once. They would have shaved off all my hair, but done that before.  (reference to movie Monsters, Inc.)

October 29
Was being transported back from unsuccessful CT scan, going past some offices and saw a business- type man come out. Refrained myself from hollering "Buy us some decent toilet paper, you goof!!"

October 29
Sometimes when you go for a scan or MRI, you are wheeled down by a transport person and left in a holding center. You are put in cubicles partially divided by curtains. It is cold there in the basement. It is quiet. I always feel like a cow waiting in my partition. Today when I arrived, there was one other person waiting too. He was in MY regular stanchion. I couldn't tell in what condition this person was, but I really wanted to say moo to him. Perhaps it would have made his day.

October 29
Today's update: had been prepping for 13 hours to get ready for CT scan and MRI (due to being allergic to the iodine contrast). Was to be done by 8:30 AM and then I could eat and drink again.

Today's story: They had trouble getting blood but managed to actually put in a new IV line.
Got CT scan half done and the line went out. Spent 30 minutes with specialist trying to get a line in somehow. She couldn't.

Next step is to put in a picc line, which is what you do if you don't have an inside port. Takes a while and it was done in my room under sterile conditions. It did not work.

Next step is to have a picc line put in the by the Intervention Team in surgery. This worked amazingly and was easy.  Hours later.

But most of the day was very painful and uncomfortable. My arm looks like a heroin addict but I didn't get one drop of morphine as a reward.

I was able get the CT scan and MRI done and was able to eat at 7 PM.

It was strange and moving to sing my calming praise chorus in my head, watching everything not working out right for me. "Give thanks with a grateful heart...let the weak say 'I am strong'" A fairly profound experience to see how God carries these things out in real life! Crying because it is going so badly, crying when you understand your great thankfulness to God anyway, and crying with relief because it's time once again to rest and trust Him.

October 30
I find it easiest to talk into this smartphone and let it type for me.  I feel like a spy. This makes me feel guilty when I tell stories about Magee. Just want you to know that Magee is a great place and I like it here very much.

October 30
TODAY IS STUDENT DAY. This means I have five people to look after me instead of two. Great if you're going to die ( I am totally convinced it was a student who had the time to believe and understand me when I said that my mother was in greatly bad condition). BUT if you are not dying, it can be quite annoying.

I was not allowed to eat this morning because of another test. When I got my food, 3 doctors came in one after the other and consulted. A student came in and asked me how my food was, but I told her I had not eaten it. Each time I opened my mouth , someone else came in and was happy to see my food. Each time they would ask how the food was, and I would politely tell them I didn't know YET.

A nap today does not sound very possible.

October 30
Some kind friends sent this balloon to me. They know I love balloons. It intrigues me, though. He is cute and all, and is apparently looking at the sunset while he thinks of me. But I seem only to notice his bum-- he reminds me of the Charmin' bear, except that he has no crack. If I had a magic marker I think I would have to draw one in.

October 30
Yesterday I opened my eyes and looked out the window for the first time. I have scenery, hills, houses, traffic to look at. Pittsburgh is a beautiful place. I can see Phipps Conservatory in the distance. I love the houses with red paint. I can see the start of daytime, watch people go to work, and see the work day slow down as the night begins to quiet things.

BEST THING FROM TODAY: There's a red tree far away that could be a turkey body. My window has a great piece of dirt shaped like a beak. When you put these together, you have a good-looking turkey.

October 31

Update: My great internist told us today:

• It's not cancer.
• It is definitely a virus.
• Not dangerous, not long term, not going to kill you.
• The current damage is occurring with the liver and its bad numbers are still rising. HOWEVER: the liver is completely working at this point, although it is inflamed.

We may never know what virus it is. Sometimes viruses can leave bad things behind, settling in strange places. Ben himself has fine liver levels, but his sugar is way up and his red blood cells are way down.

October 31
Happy Halloween!!

I thought there would be exciting things to see today from the staff (with costumes), but most are waiting for trick-or-treat this evening when they get home. So I've only seen Halloween earrings or pins on people's coats.

Last night was fun, though. I had another CT scan scheduled for 11:30 PM. It is not a usual time. The transport people had gone home, so my nurse took me there in a wheelchair. I am not sure why SHE did it as she is super/ultra busy, but it is difficult to find your way across the hospital to the other side and down to where the dept is, and maybe she was the only person who knew how to get there.

So we set out into the empty hallways and a darkened atrium in the main lobby all by ourselves.

I laughed and said something about it being very close to Halloween time.

She didn't laugh. "30 minutes until witching hour," she said.

When we arrived, the door she wanted to use was locked and dark. It was spooky.

But we finally found a way in and the woman told the nurse to wait for me because it would only take two minutes. The nurse was not happy, but I can't imagine her leaving me--just to turn around and trek back again.  Anyway, it was more like 20 minutes, especially since I had a near anaphylactic reaction during the administering of the iodine contrast.

On our way home,  the nurse muttered something about "two minutes --it was longer than that." I laughed and said, " Oh, that's hospital time."  (something we patients know ALL about)

She did not laugh.

We got back to our nurses station just as that station's clock was chiming midnight. At least one of us was very relieved!

October 31
ITS STILL HALLOWEEN.  So I was walking the hall when this machine came tooling along by itself. It was about 4 ft. tall and 2 ft. wide. I watched to see how it would turn the corner, but it stopped as if undecided. So I went closer and saw it was waiting for the elevator. It told me so.

"I am waiting for the elevator." It said. "When the elevator arrives I will want to go inside when it is clear."

The elevator arrived. The doors opened. The machine said," It is clear. I am going inside the elevator". It did, and left.

November 1, 2013
I have a Turner classic landscape painting outside today.

SEASIDE CURE

I just got home from a "seaside cure" at Harvey Cedars Bible Conference, on Long Beach Island off the coast of New Jersey.

 

We went there for many years when our children were small, but as the boys gathered more Important Commitments that steered our vacation away to speech tournaments, Great Britain, and Disney World, we sadly put Harvey Cedars on the back burner.  

Last week, I was able to travel there with my friends and spend a week at my favorite of all places: it felt just like coming home, with great joy.

I slept in the old Victorian Hotel

Ate great meals in the cafeteria

Met new friends

Heard fantastic speakers at chapel

Spent the afternoons at the beach (undergoing renovation since the hurricane)

Took a boat trip past Barnegat Light

And got plenty of spiritual, emotional, and physical rest.

OLD FRIENDS

This past weekend, I had a

SPECIAL TREAT

--I was able to visit with a great blogging friend and her family.

We had only met once before, at a wedding reception.  This time, it was at a Regency ball.  I was leader of the dances and Carpebanana and her family were dancing for the first time.

She is a good friend with a lot of wise thoughts and thoughtfulness.  We were shy with each other--sometimes it's easier to talk through email than in person--but I was super thrilled, and I'm sure she was too!

HAIR IN REVIEW
I am officially done with cancer treatment!  It hasn't "sunk in" yet, as the next months still contain many many medical tests and appointments (physical therapy, cardiologist, orthopedist, etc. etc.).  But at least driving every day for radiation therapy is finished.
It has been a year.

May 2012

 July 2012

July 2012

October 2012

December 2012

December 2012

January 2013

March 18, 2013

April 16, 2013

May 10, 2013

September 18, 2013

RIDING THE COASTER

I just spent 5 unexpected days in the hospital, having gone to the local emergency room with chest pains and shortness of breath.  Because I am a cancer patient, I was transferred by ambulance to Magee Hospital in Pittsburgh, where I got such excellent care, had millions of tests, and was determined to have either pleurisy or pericarditis--or both (inflammation of the lining of the lungs and/or heart).  I am home now, but will have continued issues for a week or so.

I had to stop radiation therapy for while; when I start next week, it will be a little past the deadline for when protocol says I should have radiation therapy.

It is very disappointing.  But I continually come back to the understanding that God is a loving God who has a loving plan for each of us, even if we don't understand it right now.

I have a semi-quote stuck to the computer from a radio preacher who was talking about Joshua and Jericho, and how totally unnerving it would be to do a helpless thing like march around the city, blowing trumpets--when they all knew the Jericho folks were powerful and strong and scary, and who knows what they were planning to do to the Israelites?  But the preacher said God's perspective was totally different:

That wall doesn't mean NOTHIN' to Him.

He can see right over it.

HE knows what they're doin' over there.

_________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, let me try to share a funny story from the hospital.  It might be one of those "you had to be there" to see the humor in it:

On the second day, they needed to do a lot of testing on my heart, which required no food or drink--a very silly thing for a sick hospital patient, let me tell you.  So starting at midnight, I did not have anything but pain medications through my IV.  And as hospitals go, my turn at the heart center became later and later....  I asked and received pain medication at the right time, but it wasn't enough, and as I went through the testing, the pain built and built until I was in a very bad way indeed.

When I was returned to my room at 3 PM, I could barely speak, but with tears running down my face, I managed to gasp "Acute.....pain" to my nurse.

She was so good.  She whipped out pain meds, hot packs, put me on IV, called the cafeteria for food, and got me all set within minutes.  Oh, the relief!  Oh, the happiness! Of course, it was so strong I literally couldn't see correctly and hardly knew my name, but who cared?  I had suffered strongly and come out of it.  Nothing could have been worse, but it was over now.

My food came.  I was very content.  I began to eat.....and was now going to vomit!!

When the nurse came walking by, she expected to see a calmed patient happily eating a meal; instead, she found a wild-eyed woman holding a wash basin gasping for control!  The look on her face was priceless.  Now she whipped out anti-nausea meds and damp washcloths and got everything calmed down again. 

This was the place where we both laughed:  just when you think the worst is over, it goes downhill even more.  Apparently there is always room for "worst."      
  

A FANTASTIC GIFT

Certainly one of the best cards that I have EVER received was one from a girl in our church congregation.

Inside:

She also gave me some chocolates, and knowing that I like pigs, I received an online interactive little animal.

HOW COOL IS THAT?!

(I do not have a picture of the chocolates.)

UPDATE ON MY CANCER

I am doing well and thank y'all for your constant encouragement—tons and tons of it, it’s fantastic! 

I am entering the 3^rd chemo time now, so I pretty much know what to expect.  I was bee-bouncing around the house the morning before I left for the chemo, with quite a bit of energy, and returned home sleepy and slow.  Now the 2 weeks of what the nurse called “feeling punk” will begin—and then I can’t wait for that 3^rd week when energy starts to pick up!

This go-round, the promise of energy means a lot, as my husband & I are going on a vacation we’ve been planning for year.  I’d appreciate your prayers for me, that I can still enjoy it even if I’m slow in getting around.
Another prayer request would have to do with all the needles.  If anything can go wrong with needles and me, it will.  They have surgically implanted a “port” under the skin in my chest “to make everything easier”, but there were snags getting it in, and unpleasantness on Friday, trying to use it for the first time. 

Yuk! 

I was angry, citing Murphy’s law to myself, my mind stomping around saying, “Oh yes, of course it has to go wrong with ME!” Later I felt contrite, because I had so quickly forgotten my mantra from the book Jesus Calling:

You are on the path of my choosing; there is no randomness in your life.

I think this will be the main thing for me to learn and grow with during this process. I’m the kind of person who gets mad when I carefully hang up the dish towel and it promptly falls to the floor—GRRR!

But wait:  even then, it’s

There is no randomness in your life.

It’s something I need to practice with every day in order to be prepared for the big stuff. 
Recently I was stricken when someone told me she wouldn’t be a good example if she were diagnosed with cancer.  She would be really angry with God.  She was worried about it, this fear that she would misbehave and be ungrateful.
I do not think so, so very much.  I know that so many of you, my friends, DO have a strong understanding of God’s providence, surety, and care for us, deep down as a good solid base right under your feet.  Take comfort in that, and continue to practice the daily humble submitting to the non-randomness in your life right now.

1 Peter 5:6-7:

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

THE GIFT MY SON GAVE ME

In an email I sent my friends about dealing with breast cancer, I said that it seems to me it would helpful to think good and healing thoughts--but how can you do that about chemo?  We all think of chemo as

The Bad Thing, The Enemy, "it does all but kill you."  

I had just seen the Avengers movie with all the superheroes, so here's what I've decided to do:  I'm thinking of the chemo as

The Incredible Hulk

 

Dr. Bannerman (the man) is really a nice guy, and the Hulk is a great fighter.  If you need some help in fighting of enemies, he is someone you want to have on your side.  It's just that he goes a little overboard and kills off some of the good guys in the process, poor thing.

But you know, they always win at the end.

My younger son is a quiet person who doesn't say much, but often expresses strong and dear thoughts in powerful ways.  He was gone over my birthday, and left a small wrapped package for me to open on The Day.  I was so moved by what was inside.

 

And here's what the package says:  

Though the Hulk is only barely in control of the vast power that boils within his massive body, he is usually able to direct it against the proper target.  His rage--and his strength--know no bounds.  So beware all those who stand against the Avengers:  When you face the Hulk, you face fury incarnate.

PERFECT.  Can you imagine my son taking the time and thought to encourage me in this way?  He is a special gem.

THERE'S A LOT OF FREEDOM IN THAT

For at least 40 years, I've used a headband when I wash my face.  That's to keep my hair out of the way.  It's a habit so long established, it's difficult to think any other way.

It gives me a lot of laughs now, when I find myself putting a headband on, whoops.

 

 Life has gotten easier in some aspects!

WAVES OF KINDNESS

This past Sunday, our college-age choir sang a very moving rendition of the old hymn It is Well With My Soul.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul. 
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul. 

I can never hear or sing this hymn without thinking of the man who wrote it, standing at the railing of a ship on the ocean as it passed the place where all of his children had drowned in shipwreck.

Imagine--that he could feel and think these thoughts during this hard time.  He truly is a great testimony to all of us.

That's what I was thinking.  But then I looked up across the sanctuary, where:

many of my friends were looking at ME, with grief in their eyes!

That's because I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer this week.  I have been amazed at how much people care about me, and the hurt they have felt when they heard the news.

I wanted to tell them, no! no!  Don't feel that sad.  Although I am nervous about the medical side of things, I have no doubts about the loving kindness of our God, that His plans for me are not random or without care.

Nonetheless, it is wonderful to feel the care of good friends.

SUPERFRIEND

Today something very exciting happened to me:  I got to meet a blog friend in real life!

Toby Bo and I first met online a few years ago through a "friend of a friend" bloggy sort of thing.

I enjoy her sort of humor, and she enjoys about me...well, I'm not sure.  But it is gratifying all the same.

We tried to meet before, but it has never worked out.  Once, I was at a wedding, and a young woman I didn't know came up to me and gave me a gift!  It was from her mother, Toby Bo.

Once, I sent handmade soap to her through the mail.

And one time, we were so excited because her family had to travel through our area and they were going to visit our church on Sunday morning!! 

But we were on vacation away from home.  They sat in our pew and met all our church friends instead.

Now today, it finally happened:  we were able to meet in person at a wedding reception.

It didn't quite work out as planned.  I did not lose weight before this day, I didn't wear a hat, and I forgot to bring my little gift for her.  But we began to know one another in a whole new way.  And that was precious indeed.

INVITE TO THE ROYAL WEDDING

It came to me that it's as if my Older Son and His Wife have died.  That, along with the loss of my circle of friends, the death of Imogene (our outdoor cat), the near death and sudden lifestyle change of my mother, and countless other changes, can account for the vast amount of grief and apathy that's been with me these last few months.

I think that some folks could have made this time easier, but they did not.

For years, I've struggled with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, and all that goes with them, and when I have "down" days, I bear it well because I know it will pass and there will be "good" days again. 

I do not have that rational thinking with this hard time.

Meanwhile, I'll try to pretend--until things get better!

I "pretended" I was invited to the Royal Wedding.  It was a lot cheaper and easier to attend doing it this way:

Re-creation of myself watching the Royal Wedding on television

  

My outdoor hat needs some gee-gaws, feathers, or something to make it look more fancy, but it will do in a pinch (which is what this was)